"Alligator" I whispered, "No log" said Josh. I threw a rock at the mysterious thing, "log" hissed Josh, "no alligator" I shouted. I poked the thing with a stick, "it's an alligator" I insisted, "no it's a log" Josh shouted. I leaped onto thing, "maybe your..." In a split second the alligator snapped his head at me and dragged me under they grey water. "Alligator" said Josh "log" said Cam.
5 Comments
Josh
7/29/2014 09:18:55 am
Cool story Jude, I liked how you used speech to paint a picture of what the animals are thinking about.
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Jacob
7/29/2014 09:36:07 am
Cool story Jude. I really like how you have used some good visualizing like dragged me under the water. I can really visualize it. You're next step would be to use better describe what you are.
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donny
7/30/2014 09:06:12 am
WOW Jude nice writing. I like how you used some of you friends like josh and cam I thought that was very funny when you and Josh had a hardcore fight over a alligator.NEXT STEP:You made a mistake you slept said wrong at the end of the story and use better describe words.
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Vai
8/7/2014 06:45:51 am
Hi Jude! I liked how yours was short and it had lots of speech marks in it and that you used some of you friends in it like Cam and Josh and that you used some visualising in your story! Good job Jude!
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Mrs Garthwaite
8/12/2014 10:27:48 am
You used speech well in your writing Jude. The use of your friends made it funnier. Keep adding more detail through imagery and description.
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AuthorHi I'm Jude and I play Rugby for Zingari Rugby club I am also at Balmacewen Intermediate Archives
August 2014
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