Its name was Tanesha Sharkesha Patrisha. Tanesha was a science experiment gone terribly wrong. It was about three years ago when scientist Bill Gates was testing penguins with his terrifying new creation… windows XP! Once windows XP was inserted into the first penguins brain thats when the mayhem started. Its soft delicate skin turned into an ugly green colour, then one by one its teeth popped out like chain saw blades. That day the horrifying green monster broke out of Bill Gates lab and Tanesha Sharkesha Patrisha was never seen again.
Its name was Tanesha Sharkesha Patrisha. Tanesha was a science experiment gone terribly wrong. It was about three years ago when scientist Bill Gates was testing penguins with his terrifying new creation… windows XP! Once windows XP was inserted into the first penguins brain thats when the mayhem started. Its soft delicate skin turned into an ugly green colour, then one by one its teeth popped out like chain saw blades. That day the horrifying green monster broke out of Bill Gates lab and Tanesha Sharkesha Patrisha was never seen again.
3 Comments
Kaea
7/29/2014 09:22:57 am
You've developed a very good piece of work! I like your use of a celebrity (Bill Gates) in your story to inject some light-hearted humour. I think you could work a little more on your imagery (such as giving more depth to the description of the penguins once they were transformed by Windows XP) and give more depth to your storyline. I think you should also work on giving more of an in depth ending which stays true to your story.
Reply
Jude
7/29/2014 09:27:53 am
Hey Josh I like how you describe your monster and created a visual picture in my head also I like how you used a penguin. Next step maybe add more description to you monster.
Reply
Mrs Garthwaite
8/12/2014 10:23:59 am
I like the idea you are developing Josh. It lends itself to a good idea for a story. Keep developing your imagery to build up stronger word pictures and to add detail to your monster.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
August 2014
Categories |